Trying to Understand Thin Privilege.

I came across this phrase today. It is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately, mostly due to this image:

Now, before I go on, I want to clarify that I don't think any body type is wrong. I don't want anybody to think any body type is wrong. Unfortunately, though, my words do not exist in a vacuum (and if this was a sexism-free world then this wouldn't even need said.)

However... I have to say I really agree with this image. Not in the way that I'm moved by its message that we need to stop body-shaming, because I already know that. But the unnamed people saying things like "But you're SKINNY!" Because that's just it. You're SKINNY!

We live in a society where everyone's body type is constantly questioned and scrutinized. This is more of a women's issue, but men are affected too (and they have learned from the media to perpetrate these ideals just as well as many have learned to believe them). And you know what? It doesn't matter what people think of your body anyway because everyone has a preference. The preference for petite women does not equal hatred for muscular women. There is a variety for a reason- because we have preferences.

It should be noted, though, that skinny privilege does exist. Yes, it does. Honestly, when skinny people complain about how hard it is for them... it reminds me of a white person talking about reverse racism. Yeah, I'm white and I live in an urban area with people of every color. I've experienced my share of racism- but that has happened astronomically FEWER times than I have been benefited by my skin color.

When I was about 20 pounds lighter, people were nicer to me. I didn't feel like I was being stared at if I bought a candy bar. I felt as though all the clothes in my closet were fair game and that I was "allowed" to wear whatever I wanted. Now, I'm about 13 pounds overweight by BMI. I feel like people wonder why if I get an ice cream cone. I don't see people who look like me on TV, unless it is ironically (Big Rhonda, from that 70's show?) and then there is the whole public opinion that fat is bad.

I don't understand how a person who is thin can be so upset that they are thin. I know that skinny bodies have a lot of criticism geared toward them, but it just isn't as much as fat bodies- and it isn't the same type of criticism, either. To elaborate, I've never seen a single add that said "Need to gain weight for the summer?" or "Gain 15 pounds in 2 weeks!" Nope, not that I can recall. I've never seen a woman rocking love handles in an advertisement for a pair of jeans, either. Skinny bodies are everywhere- it is a skinny person's world. Fat bodies are blamed for being fat, told how to lose weight, what they should do, how to dress so maybe people won't notice that they're fat, etc etc etc.

Feeling skinny was awesome for me. To me, it equated freedom. Not being questioned why I'm riding my bike to school or why I'm only ordering a water with dinner. Working out as a fat girl was hard- it was embarrassing and I felt unwelcome. After I lost a few pounds, I felt like I belonged in the gym. I've lived both lives, and honestly, I can't think of a single reason to hate a skinny body. Bony? People like that. Cute and small? Tall and thin? I've never heard of those being bad words. Unhealthy? Fat bodies get the unhealthy spiel too, not that it matters though. The only people who know about your health are you and your doctor.

Point is, every "insult" that can be thrown at a skinny body either can also be taken as a compliment, or is something that fat bodies hear all the time, too. For every skinny "insult" there's about five going around for fat bodies.

Do not take this to mean that it is okay to insult anybody no matter what they look like. I don't think that's okay. I think all bodies are inherently beautiful for many different reasons. But maybe it is time that we start noticing thin privilege.

On one hand, though, I hate the further polarization of body times. By using the phrase "thin privilege" we create a binary. I don't want things to be fat versus thin, or anything versus anything. To start body loving for everybody we need to just stop classifying them. Thin/athletic/overweight/fat/chubby/petite/average/muscular/curvy.... We just don't need that. People will still have body preferences, but we don't need to make a deal out of body types. There's a bunch of them, let's just leave it at that.

The Obsession

It is obvious- we live in a society obsessed with sex. The entertainment industry uses the whole "sex sells" as a lame excuse to objectify women (even though that is stupid logic because at best only 50% of the population is attracted to women) and there isn't a day that you don't hear about a state trying to restrict same sex marriage laws or reproductive choices.

Some people are more obsessed with sex than others, though. I've met a few of them. You now- people who are so concerned with same-sex couples and their civil and human rights that they spend hours of their day trying to make sure they don't get those rights. It blows my mind that they can get so heated over someone's consenting, PRIVATE sexual relationship.

It is my opinion, if you're going to get angry about sex, let it be over all the rapists who are enabled due to rape culture. Start petitions and make signs about the objectification of women in the media. Ask store CEO's why they don't sell clothing that doesn't sexualize girls. Get mad about every rapist who walks free. Stand up against the rape apologists who want women to be hidden. Be furious that we are taught to prevent our own rape- as though it is someone we need to plan for and are therefore responsible for if it happens.

Don't get mad that your neighbor/coworker/people you don't even know or care about is sexually attracted to the same sex. Don't worry, it's not like they're in love with you and are just waiting to get you alone. Plus, gay people know it is a waste of time to flirt with straight people. So your homophobic excuses are stupid, and you need to channel your gay-sex anger toward something that is a PROBLEM. Like that once every 2 minutes, an individual is sexually assaulted or raped. That means they are taken advantage of (unlike consenting, homosexual sex acts) and often, traumatized from the brutal experience. This statistic is representative of individuals 12 and older- although it should be noted that the rape of children younger than 12 happens.

The societal problems that arise due to patriarchy just kick victims while they're down. Society is geared toward blaming the victim (by pointing out how the rape could have been prevented) and by making excuses for the rapist- reasons why his or her behavior is expected, justifiable, or appropriate due to the circumstances. This should ENRAGE you. It should enrage you that rapists have admitted to choosing only victims who have been drinking because they know they will get away with it. Forget about all those happy gay couples- use your time and energy to make the streets safer.

Namaste beauties =]

Success!

I have to admit, I haven't given you all a real update in a long time. I have a reason, though. Things don't always go as planned, and as I have learned, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I've thought about doing a blog entry about what's been going on the past few months, but I think I just want to put it all behind me. I will start this blog, though, with the first good thing that happened to me!

I checked my student account and saw that I get enough financial aid this summer to pay for all my classes! I was so afraid I would have to take a summer off (I just can't imagine not being in school) and I used up all my financial aid this year... so I was so happy! I even have enough money left over now to get a new-used car (we haven't had a reliable vehicle in a few months.) So, I was double happy!

Later on, I saw on Facebook that a friend got a 4.0. I checked my grades earlier that day and my last grade hadn't been posted yet... but I considered that maybe the site is only updated at the end of the business day. I checked around 6:00 pm and saw this:

Ahhh! Hell yeah! Due to the whole not-having-a-car thing, this 4.0 was VERY well-earned... and not just by me. My sister, dad, his girlfriend, cousin, best friend's dad, and boyfriend all have taken me to school or picked me up so I won't get dropped for non-attendance. I can't thank my family enough for believing in me. I really couldn't have done this without them, really. I just can't express enough gratitude for every person who took time out of their day to drive me 30 minutes away, or to pick me up to go home. I couldn't have done it without you.

Finally, I found out yesterday that I won a pair of Consent Panties off the Vitamin W Facebook page contest! The contest was to write on their Facebook what consent means to you, and a pair of free panties would go to the most intriguing, powerful responses. I entered because I love being given a chance to speak my mind, and because I have a weird thing for panties. I just can't have enough underwear. Anyway, you can imagine my delight when I saw this:

Education, a car, a 4.0, a loving family, and free panties! What more could a feminist ask for?

Sexualization of Girls

I just really need to ramble right now. This isn't going to be my best blog...But I have good news! Finals are over, no more homework (until June 4, :p) I hope to make a few more updates!!

Our society sexualizes girls. The default for boys' clothes is is looser-fitting jeans, t-shirts that cover the shoulders, and shorts that cover the knees. The default for girls is low-cut shirts, tighter fit, short shorts, and tight jeans.

This normalizes girls' clothing as something that shows the body off from a very early age. Their default is is to show their shoulders and their legs. What are you going to choose on a hot day? Boys have the option to pick loose-fitting shorts. Girls can either pick tight knee-length shorts (uncomfortable) or short-shorts. It just isn't fair.

This really reminds me of  my blog on sexual harassment. The dress available to women and girls is often use as a "pass" to degrade them by hypersexualizing them anonymously on the streets. This is an institutional problem. Certain clothes are marketed to toward girls from a young age, then choosing to wear spaghetti straps when they are older turns into the equivalent of girls and women asking for attention, rape, and harassment.

I want to be a role model for girls when I become a teacher. I want so badly for them to know that society is set up unfairly so they can prepare for it and make things right. If girls knew they were being sexualized, I can guarantee they would fight it.

My body is not gross

It is ridiculous that society tells me things my body does is gross. Okay, menstruation is one thing, but breastfeeding? Something our bodies are designed to do to ensure the species continues? It just blows my mind.

Why are tattoo models so often thin women and muscular men? I don't understand how a form of art that completely challenges conventional standards of beauty has its own form of beauty hierarchy.

Tattoos embrace a culture society doesn't view as attractive, while sill supporting society's views of beauty.

Where are all the fat tattoo mdoels?! #meat lover

Food

I realized last night how obsessed I am with food. I suspect that my fiance does not think about food as much as I do. Just for instance, last night I was stressed out about who was going to finish their food first. I never want to finish first- I feel like it makes it seems as though I'm a pig. I remember thinking "I hope he gets seconds before I finish my plate so that I know I am the one that ate the least." What the fuck kind of thing is that to think? It is important for me to eat healthily, but I need to stop treating myself as if food is some sort of test. I need to tell myself NOBODY THINKS ABOUT FOOD as hard as I do.

I wonder what it would be like, to be male, and never be told you're not pretty enough. Just last night, I was reading statistics about xx% of girls think they're ugly, and xx% of girls think they're fat. I wish I could be a role model, but unfortunately I'm a statistic.

With all this free space in their thoughts, not worrying about food or weight or under the eye circles.... what do guys think about?!

I could get so much more done if I didn't always preoccupy myself with bullshit brainwashy propoganda.

Pressure

Sometimes I really believe that men cannot even imagine what life is for a woman. Don't get me wrong, I love being a woman. But sometimes when I talk to my fiance, and he tells me how I look beautiful as if he doesn't know WHY I am self conscious... I realize that if you're not being targeted, then you don't even realize how harmful anything is.

Even being me, the feminist college student who knows and realizes all the media programming directed to people, I cannot undo 20 years of being brainwashed and stop disliking my body just by telling myself "It's all lies and you know it."

Pressure -_-

Street Harassment

This is a very broad issue, believe it or not. I've been harassed by myself, with friends, in the presence of family, at work (I worked in the Drive-Thru at a fast food restaurant for 19 months) by an individual and by entire groups. Fortunately, it was all "mild" harassment- let's just say that the harassers didn't get to graphic.

However, I'd like to narrow my focus a bit... and talk only about man-on-child harassment. I started experiencing street harassment when I was about 14. Usually those harassing me were older men, old enough to be my dad. 

Now, this might just be me because I was a lifeguard... but I am VERY good at telling people's age. I did NOT look like I was 22, 20, or even 18 when I was 14 years old. I looked like I was FOURTEEN. A child. My face SCREAMED "kid."  As a lifeguard, I saw all kinds of kids with all types of bodies, and the trick is.. don't look at the person's body. Look at their face. Not their body. Why? Because breast size has nothing to do with age, but for some reason people think it does. Sure, puberty has something to do with age, and breast development is linked to puberty... but you can have a 30 year old woman with AA cups and a 14 year old girl with C cups. So your "I thought she was 18" argument is STUPID (not that I ever take that argument seriously anyway.) 

When in doubt, look at the person's face. It is crazy how much you can tell about a person by looking at their facial features, eyes, smile, or even ears.

Now that I have that off my chest, the reason for this post is because a facebook friend who is about 12 or 13 made an update on what she hates about being a girl. Here is part of the list:

• The Pressure From Media

• Styling Hair After Showering 

• Having a Hard Time Running Cause of Your Boobs.

• Being called a Bitch , Whore , Hoe , for No Apparent Reason.

• Having Pedophiles Hit on You.

• Shaving All The Time.

• Having to Deal With Douchebag Guys.

Immediately, I realized just how far gone this country is. Street harassment has been so normalized, and even expected, that even victims can talk about it as though it were just a shrug off the shoulder. I wrote in a comment to my friend:

Yeah, I especially agree with having pedophiles hit on you. It is something we can mention almost lightheartedly and with a laugh because it is so common, but it just proves that society breeds sexist assumptions that girls deserve to get hit on 24/7.

It turns us from individual who have feelings and who should have a say in how we are sexualized, into objects that exist only in someone's reality whose purpose is only to be sexualized.

Girls should not be able to talk casually about being targeted by pedophiles. It's like saying that it isn't a form of sexual harassment severe enough to get attention... It's like saying "the child molester wasn't being sleazy enough for society thinks it's wrong... but it is okay for a child molester to hit on you this [--] much!

Normalizing harassment is a cause of rape culture. Harassment, even in the most 'minor' sense, is a complete disregard for the autonomy, feelings and self-respect of the victim.

People who harass are not trying to compliment, that is just their excuse when their catcalls are met with disdain. No, harassment is about humiliation and degradation. It is about someone using you as the butt of a joke, or to prove they're brave. They know it makes the victim nervous and they like knowing they've scared somebody. 

I hope none of my readers ever have, or ever will be the victim of harassment of any kind- on the street, at work, among friends or acquaintances, cyber-harassment, or anything else.

What do you think?

Thoughts? Agree or disagree?

Life is sacred starting at...

I say birth. Some say conception.

It is interesting that an animal that will eventually be eaten by a human, starts out looking like a human.

I wonder if the brain is the same as that of a human's at this point, too.

Thoughts?

Breastfeeding in Public

In case you're wondering, I support NIP 100%. With a blanket, without a blanket, in a restaurant, in the store- everything goes. It is one of the most beautiful and selfless things a mother can do for her baby, if she is able.

I was thinking about how many people are opposed to NIP, and came across the quote "I don't care if you do it, just as long as it isn't around me." We hear that (or a variation of it) all the time:

I don't care if you're gay, just so long as you don't try to have sex with me.

I don't care if you're Jewish, just as long as you don't try to force your religion upon me.

Get it? It gets old. But to be honest, I've said it before. Not about nursing, religion, or homosexuality-- but about smoking. I don't care if you smoke, just as long as it isn't around me. Many states, including my own, have laws against smoking in public. The rationale is that smoking is optional. Breathing is not.

Well.. this logic can be applied to breastfeeding. Feeding your baby is not a choice. Watching women breastfeed, however, is. Just don't fucking look.

So, to get to the point, I kind of combined the two of them into this meme:

On a related note, when I was searching for a photo of a breastfeeding mother, I realized the vast, VAST majority of then were of white women. Furthermore, I read that people's attitudes about breastfeeding in public can be influenced by the race of the mother and child. Sickening.

Rape Culture

The more I think about it, the more sad I get that so many people are so "programmed." I mean, until relatively recently, I was one of the people who's default reaction to sexual assault was to blame the victim (which, now that I think of it, it almost glorifies the attacker as someone who puts the victim back in his or her place.) 

I just can't believe I ever thought rape and sexual assaults were justifiable. Unfortunately victim-blaming doesn't stop there- people are told how to avoid being robbed as well, and that "well maybe you shouldn't have left your ipod exposed in your passenger seat." 

Criminals are not some divine common-sense police making sure we stick to some stupid moral and behavioral code. If I want to wear a tube top and leave my windows down while I'm in the store, it isn't some criminals job with public opinion on their side to tell me I was wrong and hopefully I learned my lesson.

We abide by a rape-schedule, which isn't even real. This rape schedule tells us rape only happens in dark alleyways when we're dressed "immodestly" (and only when we're female) and are having a hard time finding our keys... it is dismissive of all the rapes that occur by acquaintances, sexual assaults that happen on the clock at work, in the military, and by family members. 

  

Fear is the weapon used. The attacker uses fear, the media uses fear, the public uses fear. Fear to keep the victims silent and criminals protected. Now, every person who isn't a victim or survivor so conveniently can say "I told you so. You could have prevented this if _____. Next time you won't do this and that, huh?"

  

I wish people would wake up. We literally live in a world where right is wrong, and wrong is right. Victims and potential victims aren't the ones that should have a dress code, schedule, and heavy locks on their doors. That's the CRIMINALS. Wake up!

A letter to my governor.

Regarding the anti-abortion legislation. Hope you enjoy!

The prospect of fetuses having rights is somewhat incompatible with the Fourteenth Amendment. It refers to all persons BORN in the United States having equal rights under the law. What if the person was conceived out of the United States? Would US laws apply? What if the person was conceived by an immigrant couple, in the United States? Is it an American fetus? If the 14th amendment is stretched to include all persons CONCEIVED in the United States as well, how can we prove whether a fetus was conceived on the last day of a couple's honeymoon in France, or on the first day back from the honeymoon in the USA? Similarly, if an international couple conceived a fetus on vacation in the United States, how would it be dealt with?

Seriously, think about this. I know how much republicans hate immigrants, so what about an immigrant woman who wants an abortion? Save the fetus now, and then blame it for coming from an immigrant family after it is born?

If a mother dies from pregnancy complications, is the fetus to be held liable? After all, it has inalienable human rights!

What's next, charging women who miscarry with manslaughter?

The simple fact is this is all about control. You and your "small government." I'll tell you what you can do with your small government- take it out of MY vagina and place it somewhere in your body.

And the whole "abortions cause breast cancer" bit is really... wow. What do you expect to accomplish with that? If that's required, make you tell them deodorant can cause breast cancer, too.

I'm sure you don't care about my vote, but that's okay. It is obvious you don't care about me.

For those pro-lifers

Something I just thought of- pretty controversial, but here goes:

People who oppose abortion in the case of rape always use the reason "it's no the child's fault" (tried to put 'child' in quotations but the apostrophe made it look weird.)

Okay, so what about in the case of a man leaving his family when he finds out his wife had an affair and the infant isn't his? It's not the child's fault!

Yes, I know cheating is serious-- but hey, isn't rape serious, too?

That being said, I can only imagine the feelings a man must feel when he is betrayed by his partner, and I can agree with why he would not want to raise her baby. So, how come a woman cannot do the same thing when her body is betrayed?

(I'm not in anyway condoning cheating, just trying to see if I can make a point to the "it isn't the child's fault" argument.)

I love my vagina!

Haha! I had no clue how to start this post, but I have to tell SOMEBODY!

Lately I've been getting really into feminism, and part of that is understanding my reproductive health. Now, I've always been anti FDA and usually only take midol when I *need* to. I also take antibiotics when necessary but other than that, I try to go all-natural.

A few weeks ago I had a yeast infection. It was the third I had gotten in my life. The first one, when I was 18, I just used cream. The second one, I stopped having sex for a while and I guess it eventually went away. Well, this one was SUPER uncomfortable. I don't know how many of my lady friends have had one, but they just are a bummer.

I learned some things about them and found out they yeast thrives on sugar, multiplies in water, is killed by garlic, and can be fought with acidophilus, a bacteria found in plain yogurt.

This might sound weird, but as I am not a vagina expert my first thought was to douche. I'd never douched before, mainly because I never felt the need to. However, all the sources I read online told me NOT to douche because yeast multiplies in water. Instead, I did something a lot more fun- I made a yogurt popsicle!

Take a tampon applicator and put some plain, unsweetened yogurt in it. Not greek yogurt- regular, plain, yogurt. Freeze it! During the day, just pop the yogurt popsicle in your vag, put on a pantiliner, and allow the cold acidophilus smoothie to soothe your vagina! It was a GREAT relief from the itching that I had been experiencing.

To treat the yeast infection overnight, I took a clean clove of garlic (peel it ALL THE WAY) and poked a hole in it with a toothpick. I took some thread and put it through the hole and tied it, leaving a length of about six inches. Then, I popped it in my hoo-hah! The string was so I could pull it out easily. Don't worry about TSS- TSS is associated with tampon absorbency. Garlic isn't absorbent.

If you bake, you might have known that garlic kills yeast. Putting the garlic where the sun doesn't shine can get rid of the worst symptoms overnight-- in fact, it started working for me in just a few minutes. The awesome part was that I woke up the next morning without the nasty morning-breath taste in my mouth. Everything tasted like garlic! But not strongly of garlic, just enough to make me crave spaghetti.

The reason I don't recommend doing the garlic during the day is because apparently, other people can detect the odor.

Another thing to do, while you're stocked up on garlic and yogurt, is to make chip dip. I minced up a clove of garlic or two, added some minced onion, and stirred it in the about a cup of plain yogurt. It tasted like ranch, and my fiance loved it, too!
Anyway, repeat these two things until the day after symptoms are gone, and you'll have  a happy vagina!

Oh, an AWESOME thing about the garlic is that the next day, I had some of the most healthy looking discharge I'd seen. My vagina was working hard to get its environment back to normal, and it made me feel proud I did it without the use of any over-the-counter meds.

Why I Am Pro-Choice

I used to be quite radically pro-life. I believed that abortion was wrong and it should be avoided at all costs. I was also Christian, and I suppose "god's purpose" and the sanctity of life had something to do with it...

However, now I am a very proud pro-choice woman. No, that does not mean I believe every woman should have an abortion. It means I believe that a woman should be able to make the informed decision herself. It took too long for me to stop being so bigoted toward women. I'm not sure when it all started, but I would like to explain why my mind changed.

Perhaps the most salient fact in the anti-choice world is that life begins at conception. I cannot agree with this belief. I took a course called World Religions in the summer of 2012 and the professor mentioned near death experiences and pre-birth experiences. I was very interested in the latter, and I began reading. The stories that I found, memories that people who are living on Earth with us this very moment shared, astounded me. Some of them explain being apprehensive about being born, about choosing their family, "zooming in and out" of their body in their mother's womb, watching their birth, and being incarnated while their human body was being delivered.

Life on Earth does not begin at conception. Our bodies are not our permanent homes. They are a temporary home for our immortal spirit. While our body is in our birth mother's womb, it isn't ready for us. We are not obligated to stay in it during our birth mother's pregnancy when the real adventure is on Earth. Our life does not begin as an embryo or fetus. Life begins when we begin living-- outside the womb, experiencing life.

This realization was what snapped me out of my pro-life delusion.

After I realized life does not begin at conception, I began to reconsider the other reasons I spouted out when I used to tell people why I am pro-life. One reason was that "there is always adoption." Ohh man, was I wrong.

We all know that in order to put a children up for adoption, it must be carried to term and delivered. Therefore, a woman must be pregnant for a lengthy amount of time. Pregnancy entails a lot more than simply being pregnant. Some women become diabetic while pregnant, must remain on lengthy bed rest, there is morning sickness, constipation, and the fact that your stomach is growing to accommodate for the little body that is growing inside of you.

Aside from the physical inconveniences that arise from being pregnant, there are a lot of social inconveniences as well. How could a woman face work, the grocery store, or school every day with her growing belly and being bombarded by questions like "When are you due? Do you want a boy or girl? Have you chosen a name?" and having to explain to each nosy asker that she will not be keeping the child, but rather giving it up for adoption.

And while the woman is being forced by the government to carry the pregnancy, she will have to pay for the mandatory hospital visits, the fees associated with delivering a child, and it is highly doubtful that she will be compensated for any lost work hours spent in the hospital.

No, there isn't "always adoption."

In short, I am pro-choice because life doesn't begin in the womb. Our bodies are being readied for our arrival... but we are not in them. And adoption is not always an acceptable solution because of the way society treats pregnant women.

Further reading:
http://www.beyondreligion.com/su_personal/pbe-index.htm
http://www.prebirthexperience.com//prebirth_memories.htm